Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
