I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
