Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
