I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
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You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
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I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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