Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
