I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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