We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
