is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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