Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.

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  (814): Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn. http://tfl.nu/vfme
  Replies (18) Good night (649) Bad night (3603)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.

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  (318): When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly. http://tfl.nu/g0dv
  Replies (7) Good night (3148) Bad night (621)
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  (925): View more from California

  no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.

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  (925): no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes. http://tfl.nu/3pwk
  Replies (13) Good night (5647) Bad night (608)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.

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  (720): I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle. http://tfl.nu/5a1c
  Replies (9) Good night (966) Bad night (2869)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.

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  (513): He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it. http://tfl.nu/a93z
  Replies (13) Good night (4618) Bad night (1032)
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  (916): View more from California

  Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.

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  (916): Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On. http://tfl.nu/kp7b
  Replies (5) Good night (3634) Bad night (680)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.

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  (618): I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door. http://tfl.nu/79gl
  Replies (17) Good night (2795) Bad night (703)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy

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  (815): My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy http://tfl.nu/f1hz
  Replies (10) Good night (1524) Bad night (507)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.

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  (609): Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him. http://tfl.nu/6jaw
  Replies (9) Good night (2694) Bad night (499)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly

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  (561): I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly http://tfl.nu/d11t
  Replies (12) Good night (851) Bad night (585)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.

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  (610): I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real. http://tfl.nu/qhs0
  Replies (8) Good night (564) Bad night (1161)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..

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  (573): I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember.. http://tfl.nu/rkzm
  Replies (2) Good night (794) Bad night (335)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!

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  (440): Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack! http://tfl.nu/22h4
  Replies (17) Good night (3740) Bad night (425)
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  (415): View more from California

  The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.

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  (415): The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle. http://tfl.nu/pzvt
  Replies (1) Good night (392) Bad night (559)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now

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  (850): If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now http://tfl.nu/v3ja
  Replies (1) Good night (484) Bad night (228)

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