The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
