that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
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He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
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I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills