Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
