What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.