I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
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I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
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"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.