Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.

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  (972): So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale. http://tfl.nu/iff3
  Replies (26) Good night (638) Bad night (3668)
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  (310): View more from California

  ...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.

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  (310): ...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have. http://tfl.nu/9vj6
  Replies (53) Good night (971) Bad night (4532)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.

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  (732): the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam. http://tfl.nu/4l2e
  Replies (26) Good night (1125) Bad night (6417)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower

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  (250): I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower http://tfl.nu/dtnj
  Replies (14) Good night (6147) Bad night (1179)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween

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  (405): Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween http://tfl.nu/jypy
  Replies (20) Good night (1480) Bad night (3188)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn

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  (401): The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn http://tfl.nu/nlq4
  Replies (5) Good night (2626) Bad night (1219)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.

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  (602): Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair. http://tfl.nu/b6aa
  Replies (7) Good night (902) Bad night (1798)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday

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  (630): If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday http://tfl.nu/2qux
  Replies (1) Good night (1314) Bad night (538)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I just don't do feelings in the summer months.

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  (917): I just don't do feelings in the summer months. http://tfl.nu/zjg3
  Replies (7) Good night (1599) Bad night (569)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?

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  (978): do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man? http://tfl.nu/w8vx
  Replies (7) Good night (1403) Bad night (397)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!

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  (612): Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend? (701): In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing! http://tfl.nu/fqw2
  Replies (11) Good night (2083) Bad night (495)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.

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  (920): We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing. http://tfl.nu/xflx
  Replies (6) Good night (1049) Bad night (404)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.

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  (813): My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester. http://tfl.nu/4ngv
  Replies (1) Good night (1141) Bad night (317)
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  (209): View more from California

  The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult

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  (209): The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult http://tfl.nu/bmm8
  Replies (2) Good night (628) Bad night (452)
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  (845): View more from New York

  He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done

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  (845): He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done http://tfl.nu/6oss
  Replies (10) Good night (108) Bad night (438)

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