I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
