He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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