I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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