wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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