I am in a vortex of obligation.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
