Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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