chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
