just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
