I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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