We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
