I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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