Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
