8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
