If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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