Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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