honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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