sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.