Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
