Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Can I color on your dick again?
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do