i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras