you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING