i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
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Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
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Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.