I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
