You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
