so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
