Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
