Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
