I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
