Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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