my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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