I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
