Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
