I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's official drugs can't kill me
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
