Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
