i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
