Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
