I'm eating all of the evidence.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
