meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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