saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize