Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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