He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
