Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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