I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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