So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he puts the penis in happiness.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
