I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
