Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
porn star boner night. come get it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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