I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
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So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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