I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
