There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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