and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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