I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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