Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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