I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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