hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
