no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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