ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
