dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
