He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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