I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
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Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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