nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
