K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
