I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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