she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
