i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
