haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
