you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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