this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
