I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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