at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize