Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
