Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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