So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
